Well so close to coming back home. Less than two weeks. I look forward to seeing you guys. We should go see Harry Potter during that week too. Looking forward to going to Notre Dame this week and I will keep you updated.
Had a little breakdown yesterday as I really started to analyze this semester. I mean when it comes down to it, this semester hasn't been the best and I think something needs to change. I'm not sure if its been the lack of stuff to do and as a result me getting bored. In terms of classes they have required significantly less studying time for me to do good in the classes, leaving me to feel bored and unfulfilled.
Now I would like to think its just a matter of time for these things to play out and the hard work I put in for the past year to pay off, but it hasn't seemed so this semester. I take News Reporting next semester and that requires lots of time out of class. Something I'm looking forward to. I've also kept telling myself, you know I need to get involved with the student paper. But I haven't done that, which falls on me. I am going to talk to my Spanish partner who works for the paper and ask him how I can get started, maybe get something done before the semester is over, but at least be able to start at the beginning of spring semester.
This past week I ran into a girl from my English Lit class last semester. We talked for a bit about things like the J-school and the school in general. Her, another out-of-state student from Mobile, mentioned how she hasn't really found where she fits in yet. I understand how she feels. I can't put a finger on it, but that is how it feels and I need to figure out a way to change this. I think it has a lot to do with the atmosphere in general on campus.
I know you always worry about me. I simply wanted to let you know some things that were going through my mind right now. I'm going to work on changing some things. I suppose its all part of the process in finding out what works and what doesn't. There are also plenty of positives as I was recently elected to an Exec Board position in the Fraternity and piano is going well. Love you and looking forward to Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Fall Just Keeps Falling
We hear you've had a lot of rain back there. I think there were even floods. Yikes. We've been lucky here and it has been just spectacular. We haven't gone up the canyons, though, to see the leaves. It's just perfect porch-sitting weather. Ask the dogs.
I'm taking Sheri, her son and his girlfriend to the game tomorrow. I was going to take Bill and his nephews, but - you guessed it - Bill got sick. You know how he is - always dying, but not enough to give up Carl's Junior. Dad will be here in front of the TV, and waiting for your texts. He's decided to try using a pencil with an eraser to text, since he's just convinced that his fingers are too big for the iPhone. ;-)
I went to my hypnotist last week, just about the time you wrote about feeling nostalgic for the family. He had me under and just weeping over thoughts of my lost brother, my mom and dad, and all they suffered through. He got me to thinking about survivor's guilt - you know, how you somehow feel you should have been the one.
I've been thinking about that all this week, and while we do suffer by loving each other so much, it's really a good kind of suffering. Why would we want to feel nothing? And I don't think that my suffering would have prevented theirs. They all had many more times of joy and happiness to remember.
I love to think back on the fun times we've had, but I also like to think of what's coming. You're learning so much, and both Dad and I hope you're enjoying every minute of it. I'm sure we'll learn a lot from you, too.
Did I tell you about the latest with my renter? It's kind of like God has a weird sense of humor or something. I asked him what his girlfriend's name is, for the lease, and he said, Maile Kali. OMG. That is Jan Clemmer's granddaughter - the one who ran against Heather in the last election! Stunned as I was, I haven't given anything away. Mum's the word. I'm certainly not tagging her on this post, either.
Love you! Study well and have fun.
I'm taking Sheri, her son and his girlfriend to the game tomorrow. I was going to take Bill and his nephews, but - you guessed it - Bill got sick. You know how he is - always dying, but not enough to give up Carl's Junior. Dad will be here in front of the TV, and waiting for your texts. He's decided to try using a pencil with an eraser to text, since he's just convinced that his fingers are too big for the iPhone. ;-)
I went to my hypnotist last week, just about the time you wrote about feeling nostalgic for the family. He had me under and just weeping over thoughts of my lost brother, my mom and dad, and all they suffered through. He got me to thinking about survivor's guilt - you know, how you somehow feel you should have been the one.
I've been thinking about that all this week, and while we do suffer by loving each other so much, it's really a good kind of suffering. Why would we want to feel nothing? And I don't think that my suffering would have prevented theirs. They all had many more times of joy and happiness to remember.
I love to think back on the fun times we've had, but I also like to think of what's coming. You're learning so much, and both Dad and I hope you're enjoying every minute of it. I'm sure we'll learn a lot from you, too.
Did I tell you about the latest with my renter? It's kind of like God has a weird sense of humor or something. I asked him what his girlfriend's name is, for the lease, and he said, Maile Kali. OMG. That is Jan Clemmer's granddaughter - the one who ran against Heather in the last election! Stunned as I was, I haven't given anything away. Mum's the word. I'm certainly not tagging her on this post, either.
Love you! Study well and have fun.
Almost Fall?
Today is the first day where it is really looking and feeling like fall. Well I guess it is officially fall anyways. For some reason I always get in more reflective moods during the fall. I guess it has something to do with the changing of the weather and changing colors of leaves that eventually fall off. Probably one reason I blogged more during the fall last year than in Spring earlier this year. Its just something about the weather changes and many memories from fall in the past that make it seem more reflective (school and football, little league and the college games).
Had a more successful Spanish test today. Well at least I felt more prepared and confident about the test. It has been quite a long week with three tests. Also have a test on Monday. But now looking forward to the weekend and the game tomorrow. Are you going to the game tomorrow? Should be a blowout, knock on wood.
The first month of the school never really feels like school to me. For one, its too warm and still feels like summer. Its not until it gets a little colder that it feels like school is in session and everyone really buckles down on studying. That's what this week has started to feel like.
I am off to take a nap after studying late last night for spanish then going to a 7am review session for music history (I never understand why she does those sooo early) Anyways, take care and I'll talk to you guys this weekend.
Had a more successful Spanish test today. Well at least I felt more prepared and confident about the test. It has been quite a long week with three tests. Also have a test on Monday. But now looking forward to the weekend and the game tomorrow. Are you going to the game tomorrow? Should be a blowout, knock on wood.
The first month of the school never really feels like school to me. For one, its too warm and still feels like summer. Its not until it gets a little colder that it feels like school is in session and everyone really buckles down on studying. That's what this week has started to feel like.
I am off to take a nap after studying late last night for spanish then going to a 7am review session for music history (I never understand why she does those sooo early) Anyways, take care and I'll talk to you guys this weekend.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Together in independence
Raym - You have no idea how proud of you we are, and of course, how much we miss you. In some ways, reading this sent me back to my own first years away from home.
Our culture is indeed focused on independence, but in many ways, a kind of negative independence that separates us from those we love. I agree with you that the more collective family models from other countries seem healthier. I suppose our challenge in the United States is to figure out how to marry the two concepts so that we can achieve independence in a way that fosters our creativity and nurtures who we are, but also to hold on to those we love and make them part of our daily lives.
We are a very close family. It was the same with me and my mom and dad and brother. Partly because of that, I felt that I should break away from them. I think now that it was so I wouldn't feel the aching loss of them.
My parents, and especially my mother, never wanted to make me feel obligated to them, and wanted to give me full rein to grow. But by not speaking about how much she missed me, we actually lost a great deal of time together, and many opportunities to talk about things we felt deeply.
I have to say that's my only regret about my family.
I guess this is a balancing act that we're all doing right now. Your dad and I have no intention of letting you slip away from us, although we know that you are building your own life, too.
It was ultimately my brother's death that brought me back to Utah, but in many ways, that was an excuse. I can tell you that I have always looked for ways to return and felt a magnetism to this place we call home.
I want us to do as many things together as a family as possible, and yet I don't want to spoil opportunities for you along the way. I do think we can do both.
And ultimately it's true: home is where the heart is. You know how Debbie is, always wanting to move to Maine to be with her daughter and family there. Well, that could be us, too.
In the meantime, let's not worry too much about how to carve out the future. I do believe that we are often led to where we should go by both God and by our innate talents.
You have both of those things on your side. We love you.
Our culture is indeed focused on independence, but in many ways, a kind of negative independence that separates us from those we love. I agree with you that the more collective family models from other countries seem healthier. I suppose our challenge in the United States is to figure out how to marry the two concepts so that we can achieve independence in a way that fosters our creativity and nurtures who we are, but also to hold on to those we love and make them part of our daily lives.
We are a very close family. It was the same with me and my mom and dad and brother. Partly because of that, I felt that I should break away from them. I think now that it was so I wouldn't feel the aching loss of them.
My parents, and especially my mother, never wanted to make me feel obligated to them, and wanted to give me full rein to grow. But by not speaking about how much she missed me, we actually lost a great deal of time together, and many opportunities to talk about things we felt deeply.
I have to say that's my only regret about my family.
I guess this is a balancing act that we're all doing right now. Your dad and I have no intention of letting you slip away from us, although we know that you are building your own life, too.
It was ultimately my brother's death that brought me back to Utah, but in many ways, that was an excuse. I can tell you that I have always looked for ways to return and felt a magnetism to this place we call home.
I want us to do as many things together as a family as possible, and yet I don't want to spoil opportunities for you along the way. I do think we can do both.
And ultimately it's true: home is where the heart is. You know how Debbie is, always wanting to move to Maine to be with her daughter and family there. Well, that could be us, too.
In the meantime, let's not worry too much about how to carve out the future. I do believe that we are often led to where we should go by both God and by our innate talents.
You have both of those things on your side. We love you.
How much could possibly happen in one year?
Well it is nice to be back to blogging for a bit as I feel its a good way to discuss what's going on when we don't think of things over video. First off, I miss you two very much. As I look back on the summer I'm not sure what to think. Yes it was summer, but it didn't quite feel like it going to school and working. I guess I'm having trouble processing it all. Mainly because I think it was a time where I grew more individually than I ever have before. What troubles me about this is that I feel I grew farther apart from you two.
Being the only child I feel extremely close to Mom and Dad. It is part of this culture to grow up and become independent and go on to raise your own family, but there are many times where I wish it was a little more collectivist as in some foreign countries. Where the children grow up to support the family as a whole. The children don't live far away from the central family. This is what gets me, I was back at home, but felt very overwhelmed with school and work. Instead, I would've liked to spend more time at home.
As I reflect on the past year as a whole one word comes to mind. "Woah." The fall semester last year was full of new experiences and a foreign territory. Roommate was friends with someone who has now flunked out of school, but now is close friends with me and can live with each other relatively easily. I appreciate the close friends I have made here and would never have expected it to turn out like this. I can't believe this has all happened in just 1 year. That's the hard part. To think about being just over 1 year removed from High School and now having all this adult like responsibility. That's the other tough part to grasp, how to live comfortably in a new environment.
Living in the apartment is a bit hectic at times. Well I could have expected that I suppose. But I go to the library when I really need to study. I want to keep grades up while at the same time juggling this new social life. I'm one who needs my space after awhile and I try to step back for about a week at a time. Some people don't understand and they want to hang out all the time. I guess they need to always be around someone, but I prefer to have a decent amount of alone time.
Having said all that, I love you both and miss home. The animals too
Being the only child I feel extremely close to Mom and Dad. It is part of this culture to grow up and become independent and go on to raise your own family, but there are many times where I wish it was a little more collectivist as in some foreign countries. Where the children grow up to support the family as a whole. The children don't live far away from the central family. This is what gets me, I was back at home, but felt very overwhelmed with school and work. Instead, I would've liked to spend more time at home.
As I reflect on the past year as a whole one word comes to mind. "Woah." The fall semester last year was full of new experiences and a foreign territory. Roommate was friends with someone who has now flunked out of school, but now is close friends with me and can live with each other relatively easily. I appreciate the close friends I have made here and would never have expected it to turn out like this. I can't believe this has all happened in just 1 year. That's the hard part. To think about being just over 1 year removed from High School and now having all this adult like responsibility. That's the other tough part to grasp, how to live comfortably in a new environment.
Living in the apartment is a bit hectic at times. Well I could have expected that I suppose. But I go to the library when I really need to study. I want to keep grades up while at the same time juggling this new social life. I'm one who needs my space after awhile and I try to step back for about a week at a time. Some people don't understand and they want to hang out all the time. I guess they need to always be around someone, but I prefer to have a decent amount of alone time.
Having said all that, I love you both and miss home. The animals too
Monday, April 26, 2010
Finding Home
I ran into Say Eow the other day at Whole Foods. He was waiting for a friend who'd come in from another state, but apparently was too shy to hang out anywhere but Whole Foods. They had nothing fun planned, and I could tell Say Eow was wishing he was with another friend.
Anyway, he said, sorry Mom, he was the one who "pushed" you away from home. I nodded, but of course, I believe you made the decision to go off to college yourself. And I never, never think of this as being "away" in any permanent sense of the word. You're on a journey, and journeys take you different places. However, you always have a place to come home to.
He also said something about your telling him you couldn't study with him any more. I'm not sure I really understood what he was saying along those lines, so you can explain - later.
Meanwhile, Daddy has been a little pensive because he's heard that his brother, Buddy, is not doing well at all. We've been talking about this, and he finally decided that it's time to go see Buddy. Buddy, I guess, can't communicate well, but he does understand what people say and he did tell Rosemary that he'd like to see his brother.
So, Dad is heading out on May 5 and coming back on the 9th. Just before I leave to drive back with you! It's all exceptional timing, I think.
It's important to go home once in a while. In Dad's case, his home in Birmingham isn't the home of place, but rather the home of family. He may not have another chance to see his brother, so I'm glad that he's agreed to go. I think he'll see Kent, too. He's hoping Nancy won't know he's there. ;-)
But I think this will be a lot like your trip to Birmingham for Kent's wedding. Nice, important to go and be with family. But ultimately, you want to come back to the home of your heart - and that is with us.
We love you, and we're looking forward to the few summer months you'll be with us.
Anyway, he said, sorry Mom, he was the one who "pushed" you away from home. I nodded, but of course, I believe you made the decision to go off to college yourself. And I never, never think of this as being "away" in any permanent sense of the word. You're on a journey, and journeys take you different places. However, you always have a place to come home to.
He also said something about your telling him you couldn't study with him any more. I'm not sure I really understood what he was saying along those lines, so you can explain - later.
Meanwhile, Daddy has been a little pensive because he's heard that his brother, Buddy, is not doing well at all. We've been talking about this, and he finally decided that it's time to go see Buddy. Buddy, I guess, can't communicate well, but he does understand what people say and he did tell Rosemary that he'd like to see his brother.
So, Dad is heading out on May 5 and coming back on the 9th. Just before I leave to drive back with you! It's all exceptional timing, I think.
It's important to go home once in a while. In Dad's case, his home in Birmingham isn't the home of place, but rather the home of family. He may not have another chance to see his brother, so I'm glad that he's agreed to go. I think he'll see Kent, too. He's hoping Nancy won't know he's there. ;-)
But I think this will be a lot like your trip to Birmingham for Kent's wedding. Nice, important to go and be with family. But ultimately, you want to come back to the home of your heart - and that is with us.
We love you, and we're looking forward to the few summer months you'll be with us.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I got your package today. Lots and lots of candy. Either you're worried about me not eating enough, or trying to get rid of all that holiday candy. Thank you
I've been settling into the study, practice, study, workout routine. This semester is much busier than last. On MWF I am at class from 8-3 with about 2 hours worth of free time inbetween which I just go to the library and do homework in that time. Then practice everyday from 4-6. After that, head back to my room and rest for maybe a half hour at the most then go eat dinner ha. After, get some more studying in then go to the gym from about 9:30-11. Shower, then get in bed by 12ish. That's about how everyday goes. Busy, busy, but it does keep my mind occupied unlike last semester when I had a lot of down time.
Last Thursday I went to a lecture on the influence of American Indian symbols/mascots in sports. A Native American professor from Portland State talked and it was a very intriguing presentation. I was aware of the situation before, but hearing him speak and give the presentation, the words and mascots used now seem a lot more offensive. (i.e. Redskin) Now I wouldn't mind so much if teams changed their names. The Utes for instance. 5 years ago I thought, "How could you change the name. That has been there forever." But now I feel a bit differently about it.
I enjoy the english lit class. We've been reading the usual stuff I'm sure you know. Chaucer, Beowulf, etc. We watch the Daily Sho quite frequently in the journalism class. Mainly because they do a good job criticizing what the media does. I just find it so intriguing and there's so much you can do with the journalism field. Just get freshman year out of the way as fast as possible. Then I can really get into it. I can start convergence this time next year and then possibly study abroad junior year. We'll see, its so far away right now.
Supposed to snow 4 inches tonight. But its not Utah snow by any means. So I'd rather not have 4 inches. Hope the play was fun.
I've been settling into the study, practice, study, workout routine. This semester is much busier than last. On MWF I am at class from 8-3 with about 2 hours worth of free time inbetween which I just go to the library and do homework in that time. Then practice everyday from 4-6. After that, head back to my room and rest for maybe a half hour at the most then go eat dinner ha. After, get some more studying in then go to the gym from about 9:30-11. Shower, then get in bed by 12ish. That's about how everyday goes. Busy, busy, but it does keep my mind occupied unlike last semester when I had a lot of down time.
Last Thursday I went to a lecture on the influence of American Indian symbols/mascots in sports. A Native American professor from Portland State talked and it was a very intriguing presentation. I was aware of the situation before, but hearing him speak and give the presentation, the words and mascots used now seem a lot more offensive. (i.e. Redskin) Now I wouldn't mind so much if teams changed their names. The Utes for instance. 5 years ago I thought, "How could you change the name. That has been there forever." But now I feel a bit differently about it.
I enjoy the english lit class. We've been reading the usual stuff I'm sure you know. Chaucer, Beowulf, etc. We watch the Daily Sho quite frequently in the journalism class. Mainly because they do a good job criticizing what the media does. I just find it so intriguing and there's so much you can do with the journalism field. Just get freshman year out of the way as fast as possible. Then I can really get into it. I can start convergence this time next year and then possibly study abroad junior year. We'll see, its so far away right now.
Supposed to snow 4 inches tonight. But its not Utah snow by any means. So I'd rather not have 4 inches. Hope the play was fun.
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