Fee fi fo Phi Beta Kappa

Dad and I took Kathy and John She...er to dinner at the club tonight. We had a great time - except for the getting ready part. I think you know what I mean. At one point, I told Dad that when you were very young, you learned that it was no fun to wait until the last minute to do things. Too stressful. I'd been telling him all day to get his clothes out, to start getting ready, blah blah blah. But of course, he didn't start until about 10 minutes before we were supposed to leave. Thus, he was half-dressed when we got to the club, and fit to be tied. Nonetheless, he somehow got himself put together, we went in and actually had a great time. Even he admitted it.

The talk, of course, was about our boys. Craig apparently has joined a fraternity. Kathy noted that he's not as outgoing as you, and really needed the support group. He has to get dressed up in tie and coat once a week for the fraternity dinner. I said that right now, you weren't of a mind to join. Everyone is different and we all have to find our support groups, wherever they may be. I think you've always been good at finding people and making friends. That's a gift, for sure.

I was painfully shy when I was younger - go figure. For me, it took smaller groups to push me along. As I've grown, I find that my small group has developed smaller ones, and many of them are intertwined. That's life, I guess.

I went to the foot doc today, and he pronounced me able to wear a real shoe on my right foot. This was a breakthrough, and so I took the dogs on a walk in celebration. It was a beautiful fall day, although still incredibly cold for October.

Tiffany and I have decided not to open any more bags of candy before Halloween, lest we eat it all up. Are there Halloween plans at Mizzou?

Well, Charley at least has closed his eyes - it's a miracle! And I think that signals that it's time for me to go to bed, too. Love you!

So much for the tomatoes

It's probably below freezing now. It's been damned cold, is all I can say. No easing us into winter this year, although we always hope for a little reprieve toward the end of the month.

I was thinking that the trick-or-treaters would have a beautiful fall night to haunt, but that's likely not going to happen. And that probably means that Tiffany and I will have to eat all the Snickers ourselves! ;-)

She's upstairs, last minute, doing a video recording of herself reading to imaginery kids. We burned it to a disk, and both felt really accomplished.

I was at the Capitol today to hear about two initiatives running in the state - one calling for an Ethics Commission and the other for an independent Redistricting Commission. Both are good idea; neither will probably pass the initiative process. Here, it requires 10 percent of the voters who voted in the last gubernatorial election, and 10 percent from each of 26 out of 29 Senate districts. That's a huge hurdle to overcome.

But that's what life seems to be all about - hurdles. If we didn't have to overcome something, then we'd probably be bored stiff.

Steps

Today was a step back day for some reason. So far, I have been enjoying it here at Mizzou, however with music, I haven't been learning music at the same level I was last year. Its not that I can't, what I'm saying is that they have assigned me easy pieces, pieces I was playing 2 years ago. This has slowly made me frustrated and I'm planning on talking to one of the music professors this week about this and whether this will change next semester. Because basically from the music standpoint, it hasn't been worth the money so I'm hoping this will change. We can talk about this over skype or something.

I began thinking what I was really doing here and what I want to do. Stepping back and looking at what I have done. Switching schools seems rash. I'm not planning on it, just one of many random thoughts going through my mind today. Miss you guys. Miss the snow. What has happened to your blogs? I miss them. I'll write more if you write more. Love you

Making it a habit

I think I mentioned that Say Eow came to dinner last night. It was nice to see him, and particularly interesting to listen to how he works with his students. He looks at them individually, assessing each one's abilities and capacity for prodding. He knows that not every one of them will respond equally well to being driven forward; some need gentler encouragement than others.

What he's trying to develop in them is a habit of practice - maybe that's redundant. Isn't practice actually habitual? At any rate, you know how that all works and how it took time and different levels of encouragement before you really developed a pattern of practice.

I'd say that habits start small. That's why I want to encourage you to start reading for pleasure. Even if it's just 10 minutes a night, the habit you'll build will serve you well throughout your life. There is something soothing and enriching about going to bed after a stressful or tiring day and reading about a whole other universe - maybe filled with different problems, maybe full of joy and resolution.

Whatever, I hope that this is one habit you'll start to nurture. You've done so well developing others, and I believe that they've given you pleasure.

BTW, Hilary (Indrani's mom) just had her bone marrow transplant and it looks like it went very well. It's really a miracle, not only that she's alive, but also that she has come so far.

Private Lives

Yesterday Dad and I went to see his sleep doctor, a nice, soft-spoken Asian guy who figures Dad just needs a little iron in his life. At any rate, they put us in a little room, after we read the sign out in the waiting room that says the doctor is on time. Then we start listening to the conversation in the adjoining room. Conversation is a euphemism for diatribe. I have pictured the man next door as an overweight, overbearing farmer whose family has dispossessed him. He's screaming at the doc. He's talking about how he thrashes around at night, wakes up with his mask in his hand, how he's divorced now because of it (Dad notes a possible other reason for the divorce), and he goes on and on, about pills and other doctors, blah blah blah. Finally, I get up and take Dad with me. I tell the nurse, hey, we'll wait outside because we really don't want to hear this guy's entire medical history. Boy, was that uncomfortable. And all I could think of is how they now make us wait behind some silly line at the pharmacy so people can have their "privacy."

I was at School Board the other night, and they have finally changed their policy to allow directory information online - as well as other printed materials. I wrote Miss Craigle immediately, and hope that she'll start putting up the Red and Black. The whole privacy issue is terribly misunderstood.

In some cases, we throw out our birthdates like they're candy, we "friend" total strangers on Facebook, and then we whine about not having lives of our own. The real lesson here is that we all must assume someone can lurk at almost any moment. We need to be brave and talk about things important to us, about our opinions, etc. But we also need to be mindful that the public often misinterprets things and that ill-advised statements tend to live forever.

The truth is that most people don't really want to be totally private. We have enough trouble just living within our own skins, and the trick is to find out how to reach out to others and let them in - even if just a little.

I tried to tell Lindsey to be careful on FB. Her language, you know. She said she can't control her mouth. This does not bode well for her future.

I noticed that Harry is writing for the Red and Black this year. He's becoming interested in journalism now, although I'm not sure what aspect. I'll be talking to Jane next week, so will have more info.

Frail life, enduring love

Funny you should mention the frailty of life today. It seems to be all around us. I had trouble sleeping last night, first, inexlicably worrying about you and the Philippines. (Never mind THAT!) And then thinking about my mother as she was dying. I still remember when you came up to her room, and she hadn't really moved or spoken for several days. You said something to Nana, and she looked up at you and said something to you. What a beautiful moment that was for me - and I'm sure for her. To see your face and hear your sweet voice.

Theresa told me, after Mom died, that she had told her that my brother Ray needed her and so she had to go. I later found out that Ray's fiance, Terry, died the same month as Mother.

I remember seeing Mom crying quietly, sitting on the side of the bed. Mother was very private, and would never have told me what she was feeling or thinking about death, but I knew then that she was grieving, not for herself, but for the lives she would be missing - yours, mine, Papa's ... it was a bitter weeping of loss.

Today I stopped by to see Debbie Buese. She was off work today. As it happened, she was getting ready for a family dinner tonight. Her sister, Becky, has decided to go into hospice. Becky has ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), and while she still jokes - heck, she's Debbie's sister, isn't she? - she's been suffering a lot. Debbie was just so fragile today, and has been questioning why God has heaped all this tragedy on her family. Sounds a lot like the Book of Job, doesn't it?

Just to top things off, she talked about Tom's sister, Fran, who died of an unexpected heart attack a few months back in Hawaii. Fran's boyfriend had invited a friend to stay with him this last week while she visited her daughter, who was having a baby. Well, to make a long story short, there was a house fire, the friend was killed and Fran's boyfriend was left with critical burns over his body. Debbie could only laugh. Of course, it was an ironic laugh.

I hugged her tight. We all look to God for help; we hope there is life beyond and we continue to believe. I told her we'd pray and she could take it as she wants. The Buddhists in Taiwan used to kind of gather all religions - Christian, Hindu, you name it - and pray - just in case one of them had it right.

I can't imagine that God treats us like his puppets and metes out joy or sadness. But really, God, what's this all about?

I'm sorry for the losses at your school and around you. Just know that I love you, and I've left you in God's arms.

Columns in Autum

Today I am writing this blog while sitting under the columns that you see in almost every Mizzou promotional picture. Its one of those beautiful fall days. Sunny, warm, pleasant breeze, and the trees many different colors. There probably won't be many more days like this the rest of the year so I figured I should take advantage. This was aided by Jillian's text with a picture of a multi-colored tree on campus saying "yay fall" and as soon as I was done with piano for the day (around 3) I headed over to the quad which is where I sit now.

Bits of interesting news developments today and I don't want to worry you, because you know I always take care of myself. The news of the UConn football player stabbed and later passing away yesterday, along with the news I just got in an email of a girl who lives on the floor above unexpectedly passing away this morning, has once again brought to mind to many people the frailty of life. I'm not one for all this emotional and philosophical stuff but I thought I should pass along what thoughts came to mind today. That and learning various arguments as to why God exists in philosophy class today have been very interesting. Even our philosophy teacher claimed to be in an existential mood today. It's funny how when one of these days comes along, it seems to affect everyone in some shape or form. In out english class today, our teacher let us out 20 min early because everyone seemed to be in a funk (probably because it was monday, but today was very noticable) Its been a thought provoking day to say the least.

The wind is now picking up and getting a little cooler so I think I will head to the library and start with my mound of Econ reading to do. Or maybe I'll sit here and enjoy the day and relax a little more and plan the week ahead. Talk to you guys soon and enjoy the game on saturday. Love you!

Laundry

Here I am sitting in the laundry room at 5:30 doing some laundry. However, some people are inconsiderate and leave while their clothes are in the dryer and don't come to get them for a LONG TIME. I think I'm going to take some out instead of wait any longer.

Went to go see a poet I had never heard of before. Her name is Jessica Care Moore and little did I know she's pretty famous. She won amateur night at the Apollo 5 times and has published several books along with her own publishing company. She also has worked with Mos Def, Nas, and Talib Kweli, etc. I don't think you know who they are though. She is very outspoken and doesn't beat around the bush at all. I'm sure if you read some of her poetry you would understand. Also got extra credit for English for going along with free dinner.

Piano has been going well and she is happy with my progress. I think I should be ready for my audition in December for a major. Should be a good weekend for football. I'll call you guys tomorrow. Still planning on going to the Air Force game?

That's good to hear about Kevin. No, haven't read much of the book. I do however read lots on the internet. I know you'll say that doesn't count. I've become really addicted to this one guy's blog, but probably wouldn't interest you. You can go to uniwatchblog.com and see what I mean.

Just got some dryers finally, now just the 45 minute wait for them to dry

Oh, Charley

I didn't sleep too well last night thinking about Charley. Yes, Charley the Dog. Charley, Tiffany's dog. Charley is still a puppy, very much energetic, and as you can probably guess, just loves Violette. He also loves Tiffany.

I mentioned last night that I was glad Tif's mom was thinking about a dog door because both Charley and Daphne like to go in and out, and the dog door will be great for them. Well, Tif said she probably wouldn't have a dog door. She was thinking of moving out - from HERE - soon, with a girlfriend.

A couple of problems here: One, her mom. Tif said she's been trying to convince her that it would be easier for Lori if Tif had never lived in the new house. Now, I don't know about that - either way. But I'm sure it will be hard. It's always hard when our babes leave home.

But I asked about the dog door thing. She said she thought she'd just leave Charley in his crate all day - wouldn't really be that long, she said - just from 10-3. Egad!

I just can't imagine Charley cooped up for that amount of time. OK, Charley's cute and all, but he isn't our dog. Still, he's a living being, and it worries me. Daphne doesn't mind sleeping all day long, but then she IS 15 years old.

So I'm trying to think of how to think about this. Not my dog, not my business doesn't really make it. But I do have to figure out how to express my responsibility to this boisterous little life without making it all my responsibility.

Lessons in leadership

I love reading about your life at school. I've lived in several places other than Utah, and while I sometimes thought I might be there forever, I would start thinking about the weather here or the mountains or just home in general. It does help to gain another perspective, though, and no matter where you live, that's always a good idea.

I've been thinking a lot about leadership this week, probably because of Obama's Nobel Peace Prize, but also because of very personal issues like church, the League of Women Voters and friendship. Life, I guess, is a lot about trying to get people to understand your point of view, and then trying to understand someone else's. We're all trying to lead a little when we talk to one another - lead someone into your mind and close to your point of view.

Unfortunately, I think many Americans now lead from fear. Either they try to kindle fear in others to persuade them, or they act out of fear and so create a following of fearful, hateful people.

I think Americans voted for Obama because he offered hope, not fear, in a very fearful time. He now has opportunities no other president in recent times has had. Health care is one. I do wish he'd speak out on this very important issue. John F. and I were talking, and we think Obama very much wants to "include" all the players. But in doing that, he has left out the first and most important step: a discussion of the principles.

The players need to agree on the broad principles of health care first before they start tinkering with the system. Obama seems to be afraid to speak the phrase "public option" although that, indeed, is what's on most people's minds. One way or the other.

Leadership is not easy, but then, it's not brain surgery either. Principles, goals, trust. These are all essentials of leadership.

Living in Missouri or Washington, D.C., you will learn of things that are important to others; you will see how some people create small cabals of nasty people and how others shine a gentle light on you.

I am so proud of you and your leadership, Ray. Missouri is just one stop along the way.

Just another day in Seat... I mean Columbia

Today was the third straight day of overcast skies. It was sunny on the weekend, but it rains A LOT here. I feel as if I was in the northwest going to UDUB or Oregon which one reason I chose not to go there was because of all the rain. Oh the irony. Ha, the rain is nice here though.

We watched the 2005 film "Crash" in English today. We're actually watching it this whole week. All I can say so far is woah, they couldn't of possibly put in anymore controversial stereotypes in the movie. The curriculum is based around "Race, class, and gender" and their impact in today's world. This has been a really interesting subject for what would otherwise be a relatively boring class. Before we watched Crash, we watched Spike Lee's documentary "When the Levees Broke" and had to write a paper on what we felt were the main reasons for the disaster in NO and what should be done in the future. Loved the topic because I had a genuine interest in it instead of many other English papers. I have a feeling the class will continue to get me out of my comfort zone shed new viewpoints on the subjects we're discussing.

Now to take a nap and listen to the rain.

Every day I say to myself, I'm going to blog and then I find a way to put it off. Sorry! I plan on doing this more frequently from here on out. After all, I'm bet you're pretty curious what goes on in my day since you can't ask me when I come home from school when I reply the usual "nothing." That's probably what I would say now. However, a day in college is much more interesting than high school. The fact that you get be outside more throughout the day makes school much more enjoyable instead of being locked up inside a building with strict rules on where to be. Being on campus in the fall is great, any campus would be with the leaves all the different colors and thousands of students bustling to class. The campus here is pretty compact so there's always people moving instead of the U's campus where its so spread out and you sometimes have to take shuttles across campus. Here, its a 10 minute walk across the whole campus.

Had a test earlier today. I think I did pretty well. Only took 40 minutes so got out of the class 30 minutes early which makes any day better. Living with other people is interesting. We have the messy one, the quiet one, the one who doesn't like football so doesn't hang out with us much, and me. Man is the messy one messy. He needs his mom around to tell him to clean up still I guess. The Catholics and Rush Limbaugh fans are pretty predominant here. Lots of kids from St. Louis went to all boy or all girl catholic high schools and it is very easy to tell who did and didn't. Its interesting to see how different, various parts of the country are. You can't really tell until you start living somewhere. I can say now that once out of school, Missouri will not be my place of residence, but going to school here is fine.

I'm going to go study at the library for a few hours and then get some dinner and then relax in my room. Hope this was helpful.

Money, money, money

No, I'm actually not thinking about money today, but the word itself has been on my mind. It's stewardship time at church and that tends to be the time when we hear that our money is just so much of a barrier to God, but the church could really use it and maybe it's not really much of a barrier to institutions. It just seems so incongruous to me.

Of course, I agree that money for money's sake is hollow. And some of us, me included, at times hold onto material possessions for fear of a barren future, for fear of not having enough for our children or ourselves in our old age.

Fear. That's the barrier. I like to think that money is to use, not only for ourselves, our well-being and hopefully happiness, but also for the good of mankind. Maybe we can spread our good fortune to those who are in need. Maybe we can learn to give without looking for the payback.

I have fears. I am beginning to see that our church has fears, too, and that institutions are less able to deal with them in a spiritual way. Why that is, I am not sure. It could be that the goals are so important that they obliterate the reasons we have set those goals.

Oh what the heck. Let's all give up money and take communion on the roadside.

Gift of music

Luli and I went to a taping of From the Top, the NPR program that features kids playing classical music. The kids were pretty incredible - from piano, to violin to even marimbas! The finale was an orchestra of 18 from 8-17 years old who part of a Gifted Music School here in Salt Lake.

There was one piece you might be interested in looking up, played by Christopher O'Neil (he said for the first time ever). It was called "Falling Man," apparently composed after 9-11.

As interesting and surprising as the music was, I couldn't help but jolt at the frequent references to "Mormons" and then an interview with two teens who pretty much bore their little testimonies about how their huge families and good morals made them realize that their faith was "right." What a show-stopper! They even made one kid eat green Jell-O. How special!

We went in to the reception afterwards - co-sponsored by KBYU - and the unfortunate impression I was left with was that of a stage mom who kept telling people that her daughter was the one with the voice that warbled.

I am glad that you are my very talented son, a fine pianist who found that your gift of music was one that had to be earned.

God will provide

My cover story came out today - www.cityweekly.net - and Dad says no one will understand it. ;-) Oh well. It was good for me to research and learn. I only wish I could actually have gone to Green River to talk to the people there personally. That makes stories so much more vivid, and needless to say, more interesting to write, too!

Which brings me to the church stewardship package. I'll bet you wonder how. Emil sent out a plea which at first just depressed me. He said things like "bare-bones" budget and the parish could become "moribund." I know, everyone is out there looking up the word "moribund" now.

But that, and indeed nuclear power, have similarities. Both are borne of desperation. I mean, if we're without power, what then? And, if we're without money, what then?

How does someone turn this kind of pessimism, this kind of darkness, into light? Well, I don't think it's by giving up, or giving in to the malaise. I think that there is power in positive thinking and in belief. God will provide. And He does.

Walk with the moon

Tonight after dinner, Tif, Lori and I went out with the dogs on a walk. The moon is big, the valley clear and the air crisp. As we passed the homes in Gilmer Park, we all wondered at who was inside and what they were doing then.

I just got a message from my Uncle Bun's son that his father had died. He was 86, just like Papa. Bain used to send me a lot of emails; I think he enjoyed finding interesting things to post. I have to say, if they weren't funny, they were patriotic. That's the way he was.

Bain was the brother of my mom's best friend, Lynn. You remember when we tried to go see Aunt Lynn, but drove endlessly down the coast to Monterey, and ultimately arrived too late. I am planning to go see her soon. I hope.

I tried looking for something about Uncle Bun on the web, but immediately found his nephew - also Bain - in a blog. This Bain is "Biff" and has always been - in my memory - an incredibly gifted pianist. I also remember he was pretty good at card tricks, too!

Anyway, I thought you'd enjoy looking at his site and maybe even downloading some of his music. He's almost family, you know:
http://biffsmith.blogspot.com/

Somewhere in one of these houses someone is playing the piano; someone is listening to music. I can still hear you playing in my head.

Dismal Days

I took Bandit and Violette with me for a walk in the Avenues this afternoon with Anne. It was rainy and cold, but that made the whole experience somehow dramatic. We were kind of looking for Anne's cell phone, which she eventually found in her closet, but you never know. And she doesn't sync hers, either! I guess I'd better figure out how.

We walked up to see someone's garden, and passed John F's home, so I started to call him when a couple walked out and unleashed their dog, who was sitting on his porch. In the cold rain, John came out in his bare feet. First thing out of his mouth was to ask about you.

Earlier, I'd had coffee with Heather and Debbie, and we talked a little about all the thefts at West. I guess it's been particularly horrible this year and a gang came by, cut all the bicycle locks and just piled the bikes in a truck and drove off. Other stories have been about pickpocketing. The new principal cut back the security that Margery beefed up, but I wonder if that has anything to do with it. The security details were kind of a joke anyway, weren't they?

That news just seemed perfect for such a dismal old day. But even so, I end up loving the rain, even the cold rain, because you're eventually forced inside to the warmth.

Stay warm, even on dismal days.

First post on a lazy sunday

I don't think I'll post every day. Maybe. We'll see how things go. Today has been a very easy going day. Woke up at 11:30 then went and had an omelet and fruit for breakfast. Then I've just been watching football in my room. Planning on going to church later today. I think I did pretty well on my Econ test Friday morning. Also been a somewhat quiet weekend. A lot of people went home.
The culture shock here is quite interesting. I'm so used to people of different races getting along so well being from West. But its quite the contrary here. The black kids (I won't try to be politically correct here) usually keep to themselves and don't break out of their circle and the other white kids act relatively the same. Especially the Chicago kids (northside specifically). They are very cocky and exclusive. When we were watching football yesterday, one was talking about Georgia and was saying its a good school. Then he looked around to see who was around him and said "but there's a lot of black people there." I am not used to this behavior at all and this has really changed my attitude about Chicago. They behave the same ways about people who aren't Catholic and are relatively homophobic. I haven't been letting this affect me and remain being my diverse self.

Well anyways, I'll talk to you guys later tonight.

Mowing the grass

Our lawn gets smaller and smaller - by design. But it still deserves attention. I know I don't give it the kind of attention you'd like, but still, I kind of tell it I care. I do like to use the push mower. I'm sorry. It just makes me feel kinder to the earth, even though my personal contribution won't amount to anything. I bought some new hand clippers today so that I could trim it up and you wouldn't feel so ashamed of the sad little lawn from afar.

The new piece of art placed itself in the middle of the small plot at the top of the garden. It placed itself so that I can't really mow there anymore. At least temporarily, until the objet d'art decides it wants to be somewhere else.

I'm now trying to figure out what to do with the stone bench, under which all the grass died. I'm going to let this reveal itself to me, as well.

I hope you don't mind that I'm keeping up less-than-perfect appearances, but there is something nice about working outside a little. And something nice about working on something small that still needs attention.

Art and Life

This is a test. There's a new piece of art in our garden. It's big and the wind isn't likely to blow it over. Someone asked if it was a transmitter - jokingly, of course. I think I like it. I like art that pushes the envelope, except I never did like Dali. And I actually owned some of his prints for awhile. Wow, that was a mistake for me.

I think I'm getting positive feedback from the neighborhood, but you can never really tell what people think. I'm trying to grow into it. Mike and Therese muscled it up the stairs today, and told me the story of another they took up to a penthouse for some man. He lived in condos that had no freight elevator, so they were forced to push it up, head over heel, the many flights of the fire stairwell. It took 2 1/2 hours, and when they got it in place, Mike said that if the man didn't like it, they'd just throw it over the balcony.

I'm not throwing this one anywhere, partly because it's likely to impale someone. That would be messy.

I went from sculpture to theater today. Diane, Jillian and I went to see Chorus Line. It always amazes me how much stamina artists have. All artists. I suppose it's a hunger for their calling and a love of their art.

I think this is how we find our own callings in life. We look not only to what we love, but what gives us energy.

I, me, you and us

I’ve been thinking about relationships today. Important relationships. I know there are times you wonder about why Dad and I argue, especially about stupid things. Well, let’s put that aside and talk about another relationship.

We have a friend who’s been dating a man she really likes. The two of them have great personalities and they are both quite smart so they can laugh at jokes that are subtle and esoteric. Those are good qualities and bode well for a deeper friendship.

But for some reason, these two people who obviously like each other can’t talk about anything important. They can’t talk about their foibles, about the joys in their lives and the things that make them stumble. More importantly, they can’t talk about what’s happening between the two of them.

When everything is unspoken, then nothing is understood. It’s that simple. I’ve always been a believer that truth saves. It’s often hard to talk truth, and sometimes it’s even unwise. But ultimately, it’s important to tell people what you really think and really feel if you want them to trust you, or even love you.

That’s why people fight – with words, of course. It’s called communication. We are each individuals who are sheltered by our own skins, but we are also made to reach out to others, to connect in some important way. That doesn’t mean that we all have to agree on everything, or certainly not that we have to think the same way about everything.

It just means we have to talk. We have to say things that are meaningful to us and hope that they somehow translate to that other person.

I hope our two friends can bridge that gap. In the meantime, let’s just keep talking.