Well it is nice to be back to blogging for a bit as I feel its a good way to discuss what's going on when we don't think of things over video. First off, I miss you two very much. As I look back on the summer I'm not sure what to think. Yes it was summer, but it didn't quite feel like it going to school and working. I guess I'm having trouble processing it all. Mainly because I think it was a time where I grew more individually than I ever have before. What troubles me about this is that I feel I grew farther apart from you two.
Being the only child I feel extremely close to Mom and Dad. It is part of this culture to grow up and become independent and go on to raise your own family, but there are many times where I wish it was a little more collectivist as in some foreign countries. Where the children grow up to support the family as a whole. The children don't live far away from the central family. This is what gets me, I was back at home, but felt very overwhelmed with school and work. Instead, I would've liked to spend more time at home.
As I reflect on the past year as a whole one word comes to mind. "Woah." The fall semester last year was full of new experiences and a foreign territory. Roommate was friends with someone who has now flunked out of school, but now is close friends with me and can live with each other relatively easily. I appreciate the close friends I have made here and would never have expected it to turn out like this. I can't believe this has all happened in just 1 year. That's the hard part. To think about being just over 1 year removed from High School and now having all this adult like responsibility. That's the other tough part to grasp, how to live comfortably in a new environment.
Living in the apartment is a bit hectic at times. Well I could have expected that I suppose. But I go to the library when I really need to study. I want to keep grades up while at the same time juggling this new social life. I'm one who needs my space after awhile and I try to step back for about a week at a time. Some people don't understand and they want to hang out all the time. I guess they need to always be around someone, but I prefer to have a decent amount of alone time.
Having said all that, I love you both and miss home. The animals too
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Raym - You have no idea how proud of you we are, and of course, how much we miss you. In some ways, reading this sent me back to my own first years away from home.
ReplyDeleteOur culture is indeed focused on independence, but in many ways, a kind of negative independence that separates us from those we love. I agree with you that the more collective family models from other countries seem healthier. I suppose our challenge in the United States is to figure out how to marry the two concepts so that we can achieve independence in a way that fosters our creativity and nurtures who we are, but also to hold on to those we love and make them part of our daily lives.
We are a very close family. It was the same with me and my mom and dad and brother. Partly because of that, I felt that I should break away from them. I think now that it was so I wouldn't feel the aching loss of them.
My parents, and especially my mother, never wanted to make me feel obligated to them, and wanted to give me full rein to grow. But by not speaking about how much she missed me, we actually lost a great deal of time together, and many opportunities to talk about things we felt deeply.
I have to say that's my only regret about my family.
I guess this is a balancing act that we're all doing right now. Your dad and I have no intention of letting you slip away from us, although we know that you are building your own life, too.
It was ultimately my brother's death that brought me back to Utah, but in many ways, that was an excuse. I can tell you that I have always looked for ways to return and felt a magnetism to this place we call home.
I want us to do as many things together as a family as possible, and yet I don't want to spoil opportunities for you along the way. I do think we can do both.
And ultimately it's true: home is where the heart is. You know how Debbie is, always wanting to move to Maine to be with her daughter and family there. Well, that could be us, too.
In the meantime, let's not worry too much about how to carve out the future. I do believe that we are often led to where we should go by both God and by our innate talents.
You have both of those things on your side. We love you.