Together in independence

Raym - You have no idea how proud of you we are, and of course, how much we miss you. In some ways, reading this sent me back to my own first years away from home.

Our culture is indeed focused on independence, but in many ways, a kind of negative independence that separates us from those we love. I agree with you that the more collective family models from other countries seem healthier. I suppose our challenge in the United States is to figure out how to marry the two concepts so that we can achieve independence in a way that fosters our creativity and nurtures who we are, but also to hold on to those we love and make them part of our daily lives.

We are a very close family. It was the same with me and my mom and dad and brother. Partly because of that, I felt that I should break away from them. I think now that it was so I wouldn't feel the aching loss of them.

My parents, and especially my mother, never wanted to make me feel obligated to them, and wanted to give me full rein to grow. But by not speaking about how much she missed me, we actually lost a great deal of time together, and many opportunities to talk about things we felt deeply.

I have to say that's my only regret about my family.

I guess this is a balancing act that we're all doing right now. Your dad and I have no intention of letting you slip away from us, although we know that you are building your own life, too.

It was ultimately my brother's death that brought me back to Utah, but in many ways, that was an excuse. I can tell you that I have always looked for ways to return and felt a magnetism to this place we call home.

I want us to do as many things together as a family as possible, and yet I don't want to spoil opportunities for you along the way. I do think we can do both.

And ultimately it's true: home is where the heart is. You know how Debbie is, always wanting to move to Maine to be with her daughter and family there. Well, that could be us, too.

In the meantime, let's not worry too much about how to carve out the future. I do believe that we are often led to where we should go by both God and by our innate talents.

You have both of those things on your side. We love you.